It was a couple of months ago that we received the invitation for the upcoming wedding of Nick’s twin brother, Dave. I just got teary eyed. We had been making plans and looking forward to this trip to Europe since we found out Dave was going to propose (in February last year). We had made plans to stop in Portugal to be with the Mendes and Branco families, spend my birthday there with friends, and then the golden finale: a romantic and sophisticated ceremony by the lake in Klagenfurt (oh, we knew it would be sophisticated! It’s Dave’s wedding!!). Well, those tears were not of joy, since given Nick’s (un)employment status and my limited income, we decided immediately that we would not attend the wedding.
Until last week. Dave and Claudia have been insisting on offering the trip so we can be there with them. After adamantly declining the offer for quite some time, I finally had a change of heart. First, because we really want to be there, and I know it will mean a lot to them too. And then because I realized we can’t possibly postpone everything and put our lives on hold indefinitely. We have no idea when we will ever be able to afford traveling to Europe again, maybe only when we move back for good. And so many things in our lives are on hold right now, that it seemed just crazy to pass on this opportunity. Needless to say that there were more tears over the weekend… but these were good ones. The twins (Nick and Dave) will reunite for a special occasion, and if nothing else, this will be an incredible treat for them.
So I am trying to take a breath, and not to panic about the fact that we will be making 6 flights in 9 days, through 3 different time-zones, accompanied by (very) mobile young toddlers that do not like to sleep on our laps. We will need a car that accommodates the oversize stroller (the only one I know they will fall asleep in!), car seats… and a whole lot of patience. Phew. OK. That’s decided, we’re going, and we will all make the very best of it. Can’t wait!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Friday, May 01, 2009
crumbles
And that makes six (6) close and dear people that have seen their marriages collapse. And I am not talking about evident problematic relationships. I speak of loving, caring, dedicated, committed people. Couples. Just like us. Or so I thought… I don’t know. It just makes me sad, and it makes me wonder what is that so grave that can’t be fixed. What is it that makes the marriage not good enough to fight for? And we have had our (un?)fair share of grief, mind you! Mostly brought upon by external factors, but I have to admit that, I have, on occasion, questioned my ability to survive my marriage. I am obviously still in it, so I guess I can. But most importantly, right now I can’t think of anything that could break us. We like to reminisce. To go back to the good ol’days of dating. It is refreshing and kind of funny sometimes to recall some episodes of our not so distant past. And then we pat ourselves on the back, thankful and proud of our strength (or stubbornness??) while looking back at the stickier patches of our journey and how we somehow managed to stick together.
People speak of falling out of love, and of love fading away. I guess all is possible, I don’t love Nick the same “amount” every day, nor do I expect he does me… but I know always how happy we can be together, and we are fortunate enough to manage often and easily to re-connect from episodes of (apparent) distance. Giving up here to go find somewhere else, can be foolish… there is no relationship permanently in heaven, and if that is the expectation and we won’t take less than perfect, than we are bound to be disappointed, rather than pleasantly surprised.
Having said this, I am in no way against divorce, by any means. I am only and just for happiness!! I guess sometimes there is no other option, and others, there is an option that only one of the parties is willing to explore, so that doesn’t work either. It just makes me really sad. Because I know what an emotional investment a marriage is, how vulnerable we become when we share our whole selves with someone else, how much trust you build over the years… and how painful it must be to see that all taken away. I am so sorry. Please hang in there, the ones of you who have not yet managed to move on.
People speak of falling out of love, and of love fading away. I guess all is possible, I don’t love Nick the same “amount” every day, nor do I expect he does me… but I know always how happy we can be together, and we are fortunate enough to manage often and easily to re-connect from episodes of (apparent) distance. Giving up here to go find somewhere else, can be foolish… there is no relationship permanently in heaven, and if that is the expectation and we won’t take less than perfect, than we are bound to be disappointed, rather than pleasantly surprised.
Having said this, I am in no way against divorce, by any means. I am only and just for happiness!! I guess sometimes there is no other option, and others, there is an option that only one of the parties is willing to explore, so that doesn’t work either. It just makes me really sad. Because I know what an emotional investment a marriage is, how vulnerable we become when we share our whole selves with someone else, how much trust you build over the years… and how painful it must be to see that all taken away. I am so sorry. Please hang in there, the ones of you who have not yet managed to move on.
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